Approaching Death is Life

 

Forest Medicine 2000

Forest Medicine 2000

“What will you do God, when I die?” (Rilke).  What will I do when my father dies?

I am reading the Castaneda books again. The Teachings (which terrified me in my psychedelic twenties) leaves me unmoved now, but the next book, A Separate Reality, awakens my seeing. This idea and its practice is seminal to my vital life. It gets submerged and reappears as a reality and re-membering.

What is seeing? It is when my heart-path sees through appearances and chimes the interconnecting filaments which bond every unique thing like gossamer. We humans are not those mere shapes in which we depress and die: we are egg-auras of the omnipresent flowing filaments, filled with awe and pulsation. When I stop looking, and see, I let go of depressing worries about my father’s discomfort as he grows much weaker, and my mother’s fret, and instead I focus the current. To see is to receive.

1968 sketch

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The current has within it the wisdom of time, place and providence. It gives me freedom, space and sanity. It touches the other with that strength of purpose and surrender.   For me, everything boils down into the practice of seeing.   When this way is open, the silly mind is silent. Seeing floods the mental engine and stops its opera.   Real mind then works efficiently: connections and arrangements are made; the right level of care falls into place; patience knits.

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Paths of Awakening

Paths of Awakening

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In fact the trap-door opens. In the Tree of Life, the Daat catflap opens, so the transpersonal informs and revitalises the personal vehicle Yesod.

I must keep this way open for when I too am crumbling and dying and losing the plot. When it is closed up, I am tired, querulous and crazy. When it is open, I am my real self and sane. The worst thing for we humans about old age and dying, is the conditioned fears, papers and complicated houses, which crowd in and clog us up.

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A warrior learns throughout life to dance to his or her dying: crows (turned silver) fly along the sunset – the image from the Teachings of Don Juan is very beautiful.   The only thing I can do for my dying parent is to be mindful of my warrior-dance and his: to see.   Over his house each morning at dawn flies a carol of starlings almost in murmuration.  (See this link for videos).

A family carries the same principle as a murmuration. (A spiritual or martial movement does the same.) A murmuration is a flock of birds forming fish-like patterns in the sky. The murmuration carries single birds in a singing cloud, constantly changing its shape, and greater by far, than the sum of all its fluttering hearts.

It is the same with the cells and all the moving parts of the body: the individual element serves the greater intelligence, in the natural state. Joy is a dissolution of conflict, as waves become the sea. Through conflict, we grow.  It arises, settles, changes and vanishes.

indian sparrow or crow

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To see is the opposite of the life-habit way of looking-at. Perhaps animals see, and know therefore far more than we do.   Seeing includes the raw fear built into nature and earth’s tension and predators; but the beatitude around the seeing is radically different from our angular human bungalows.

Plants and stones see.   So do stars and angels and demons. So does our planet Earth Gaia, with the sores in her skin: a different order of time.   I then see the days and months and people coming and going in my father’s house and his struggle with failing heart aged 93, as an eye-blink, a preparation for the birth which is his death and planting: it awaits the astrological cadence. It could be weeks or several months, or more. It could be tomorrow. With this view I relax with the rugged rocks of necessity, and can be more present and helpful.

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Seeing as a practice, is a compassionate, tender objectivity.   The seer engages more intimately with the condition than she could when she dramatised about it. To see is a conscious decision to switch off the drama.

My daily drama which blankets life is death.

Approaching the reality of physical death is Life.

I am getting tentative hold of this concept.   I live mostly in the walking dead – thus the conflict of nations and beliefs. As physical death draws near, Life becomes exposed – essence of life and pain: truth.   An essence of life is taken through the birth canal of Daat in the Tree of Life, as the physical heart lets go of its grip, its rhythm with the viscera … and then it flies.  Rekindling my sense of this, may assist my father by resonance, as we are close, we are both Capricorn-Cancer, the coastal path, the human song.

The sea beats against the cliff and the land falls into the sea.   When he read the Castaneda books he said the Sonora desert is a conscious power-point, like the ions along a rocky coastal path, where waves meet the rolling fields. We live and die into this eternal sound of one hand clapping. Time passes.

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house inside

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Contemplatively, I hold him in my arms with this. I renew his philosophy and his quest: his name and form fade into the landscape, into the music and the birds.  His body farmed the land for a teeming moment, for almost a century!  Thank you for the green fields we knew and grew in, and all their names!

Contemplatively I scan the ocean ahead – what will it be like after he dies?

How can I know?  I feel in touch.

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coastal path, near Hartland

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Aquariel – an angel of the waters and of the air through the woods of life.

COPYRIGHT – All art and creative writing in this blog is copyright © Janeadamsart 2012-2015. May not be used for commercial purposes. May be used and shared for non-commercial means with credit to Jane Adams and a link to the web address https://janeaquariel.wordpress.com/

 

 

Mysteries of Master R – Part 12: Trinosofia Chapter Seven, For Give

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master R sketch 5

Master R, Comte de Saint-Germain, sketch 5, 2003

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For Master R’s Trinosofia meditation and Manly P Hall’s commentaries, go first to the “Trinosofia texts” page in the title bar of this blog, and scroll down to chapter seven.

Below is my understanding:

Chapter Seven of the Most Holy Trinosofia takes us through an alchemical triple distillation, although (strictly speaking), the Distillation phase in the Great Work is assigned to the 6th sign, Virgo. Students of the bota Lessons in Tarot and Alchemy will recognise the work of the Sun flowing through the black dragon.

The Seventh stage in the Great Work is in the sign Libra, ruled by Venus, and it is called the “Sublimation”.  These three essential self-reflective processes – Digest, Distil, Sublimate – are ruled by the Sun, Mercury and Venus consecutively: that is, the action of Leo (Tarot 8 Strength), Virgo (Tarot 9 Hermit) and Libra (Tarot 11 Justice) in our body. Tarot Key 10 the Wheel is assigned to Jupiter.

I am considering the orbits of Mercury and Venus within the inner Solar aura.

The Tarot Key is Justice –  midpoint of the Tarot, the sign Libra. Its hebrew letter ‘LAMED’ is the tallest in the alephbeis – pictorially an ox-goad.  It also suggests the raised serpent of kundalini.  This Key invokes Karmic equilibrium which is cosmic justice. Reconciliation of opposites is suggested in the complementary colour tones.  On her breast she wears the letter T – a form of the 22nd letter, TAV, ruled by Saturn.  Saturn is exalted in Venusian Libra, as “the Faithful Intelligence”.   The Tarot Keys are living entities.  They are profound metaphors or archetypes. Contemplating them, with the desire “to live the good life”, awakens their correspondence in our soul.

bota key 11

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In this post I re-open my 2003 journal – a time of intense study:

Journal 6 September 2003

Most Holy brother – as the radiations copy laboriously in the shop, please help Your ray move through me effortlessly, as does the fragrance of the rose, or amber. 

I dreamt in the night, of piercing thunder and lightning … I suspect my refuge in Master R is lodged in my primitive emotional strata; also within the intuition of what Kabbalah calls our Supervisors and what is elsewhere called the Masters, or the Great White Brotherhood – for the growth and refinement of the person in the soul.  At the root there is this ineradicable quest.  

Nothing is known for sure in Assiyah, the material world.  This is why Life in the body is the most mysterious element in the universe.  Only in the Higher World dimension (to which we mostly have little access) is there certainty.  Have compassion with brave and fumbling scientists!  Assiyah is the flambency of the mystery and bafflement of being at all – arrival as a human;  projection as a human.  Who and what am I?

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libra sunrise 1988_0001

Journal, 7 September 2003

Manly Hall’s commentary confirms that this stage in the Trinosofia initiation is governed by Libra, the Scales.  In biblical times, this Sign represented the Passover of life from material into a non-material condition – the release.

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roob alchemy saturn illustration

S Trimosin, Splendour Solis, London 16th century.  “Just as this Saturn is baptised with his own water, the black raven flies off.

The passage is one of purification;  the King sweats it out.  The water of Life which the sages gave him to drink, is now his to bathe in, pollute and regenerate.  The second immersion is corrosive and therefore of Mars.  The traveller stays there for 16 days (the Tarot path of Mars on the Tree) immersing, drying off and becoming the water, as the water purifies itself back to white sand and no longer wets him.  He has three immersions. When he leaves, he is equal to the water’s pure composition.  In the core of Hermetic philosophy is our water’s nature to cleanse itself, ultimately.

Trinosphia facsimile illustration in chapter 7

Trinosphia facsimile illustration in chapter 7

The illustration is the Great Seal between green pillars of Jakin, Bohaz.  The two small circles (red and black concentric rings, side by side) are interpreted as the Sun and Moon. The pendant Cross between them is the Stone of the regenerated elements – salt, sulphur, mercury – in Azoth.  It has four colours, but I am not told which colours.  It hangs from a gold cross-bar between the two disks.  These as Sun and Moon represent heaven and earth:  the Cross between them is their progeny and equilibrium.

Surrounding this symbol are two circles of hieroglyphs.  The outer one is indecipherable and apparently random; the inner one has a cuneiform script which Hebrew can crack.  It continues … “and is the outbreathing of Everlastingness”, and says “the Leg” (dawn of the age of Aquarius) is the beginning of the destruction before Nirvana.  This boils down to the chrysalis dying off … in present times.

The text, but not the illustration, has a silver axe with a blue handle.  It has a Hebrew name, which might be as Manly Hall says, “the instrument of separation”.  It is called the Destroyer, but the translation is “Lift the voice to its fullness in chant or song.”  This makes me think of the walls of Jericho and the trumpet.  It also implies, “separate the subtle from the gross” and “IAM … IAO”.  The symbolism is around the Justice figure arcanely, but plain to see.  The axe is an ancient symbol of initiated builders.  Its meaning is also in the Hebrew letter QOPh with which the Qabbalah begins.

Thou shalt separate the subtle from the gross,
and return it to its Nature, with prudence and wisdom.

Le Comte, terracotta sketch

Le Comte, terracotta sketch, 2003

This is separation through purification; in the threefold transmuting stages of the water, read the evolutionary aeons.  The water in the oval vessel is the Fountain and the Shining Sea. The lunar power is John the baptist: the solar power is Christ’s baptising by messianic fire. “The gross particles of the soul – the rust – are washed away, and life is prepared for a supersubstantial existence.”

IAM is OM, and AM is the most powerful and misused word in the human universe; and AUM resonates a harmonic around the OM.  SO-HAM is the ancient Sanskrit (and apparently Egyptian also) way of breathing in and out: “I am.”

I woke in the morning with two messages:  “on the path with Fear, you don’t get many Love messages” and Master R saying in the 1947 transcript, “Love and you shall know.

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Trinosofia illustration chapter 7 - give way to the force

Trinosofia illustration chapter 7 – give way to the force

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Journal, 8 September 2003

The way forward with V – I think – is to perform in myself small and actual rites of for-giveness. To give way to the force – a wordplay which dawned on me at age 20 – is in our mutual seed, and the intention FORGIVE must be stencilled clear in our etheric body.  If I do this, it may help him.  Elder Brother, I loved V, but you know one loves any Tree to whom one gives so many years and so much gardening, because that in itself is the act of love, and when I met V 34 years ago at age 20, the force of what was to come was recognised and received as shock.

Meditation – the moving breath – happens at the point of connection, the interface, the agenda.  The Fountain is the oval bath in the Trinosofia Seven script, and the cleansing of rusty Mars.

Note also at this point: the Sword and Scales of Justice: Saturn’s exaltation in Venus’s sign Libra.  Do not overwork, but acknowledge these things in passing;  the light touch, the way the subconscious delivers its operation.  When I know the subconscious operates perfectly, I do not have to put a fork in it to make it work, do I?  It processes this matter just fine, and does what is required, no more and no less.

bota key 18 The Moon

And see also the operation of the red and the violet together, in Key 18. Its Hebrew letter is QOPh, meaning “an axe” and also the roof which opens up.

This key’s magenta border – reddish violet – vibrates at B-Natural.  From the medulla oblongata in the brain stem at the back of the head, it governs processes of sleep, embodiment and evolution of species.  The path beyond the twin towers of the body ascends gradually and undulates, so that the dark valleys are higher than the summits we attained when setting out .  Upon that mountain in the far distance stands the Hermit (9) who illumines the life of our soul.

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So I just now drew in colour (see above), a ‘FOR GIVE’ MANTRA in the general design of Trinosofia Seven.  Thoughts which arose during this were: the first obedience is to the promptings of one’s own soul, and the severest penalties occur until one learns this for good.  Secondly, I believe V gave me his angry ‘cornered dog’ story as a gesture from his soul, so I shall re-read it in the light of the mantra I drew this morning.  

(As I drew it, a loose “bye bye go well”
sketch fell out of the sketch pad):

Pithy tree of life

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It now seems the for give drawing reveals in colours, something of my Ray structure that I wondered about yesterday.  It is a powerful stencil.

(I painted on the same day, for Sacred India Tarot, Sita through the fire in the suit of Staves.)

Sacred India Tarot - 7 of Staves

Sacred India Tarot – 7 of Staves

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7 July 2015

I mentioned the walls of Jericho (in para above – ‘The text, but not the illustration, has a silver axe with a blue handle’). These three Tarot Keys from right to left, are assigned to Aries (ruled by Mars), Mars and Pluto.  Jericho’s walls fell at a blast from the Archangel’s trumpet, pictured in Key 20.  The observant Emperor, the collapsing Tower and the uplifting Judgement are images of the Mars vibration (red).

The path of Mars is Tarot Key 16, the Tower (or House of God) connecting Hod to Netzach. The awakening vibration  is deep scarlet. On my Alchemy Tree it has at centre a little feminine blue triangle where it crosses the royal blue path of Temperance.  You can see it on the base-line of the red “Awakening” triad.  Below it is a second blue downward triangle in the violet sphere of Yesod.  In Malkuth, earth, there is a red masculine triangle in the indigo oval. This is the akasha-tejas tattva, combining the mars and saturn centres.

The male triangle rises towards the two descending female ones.

There is a beautiful correspondence here with the Siva Shakti Indian yantra:

 

Along the path of Mars where walls fall away, speech of the higher planes may be heard. When I listen carefully, the speaking tongue (hebrew letter PEH) of Mars-squared (4X4=16),  carries a transmission: truth.   I found that when I study this path, it leads me to the wisdom of Master R.

 

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Netzach Hod Temperance sketch

Netzach Hod Temperance sketch.  Temperance is Tarot Key 14, with Archangel Michael.

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In the Bible story, the walls around the city of Jericho – personal ego – fell when Archangel Gabriel’s trumpet sounded.  Here too, the path joining Hod to Malkuth, is a scarlet field;  it vibrates into the ground, like a fire stick.

In Tarot, the tonal frequency of letters SHIN and PEH is scarlet.  The word RGVZ (associated with Key 14 Temperance, which crosses Key 16 Tower) is generally translated as ‘wrath’ (suggesting the wrathful expression of Mars) but actually means ‘vibration’.

The human code interprets this violently, but it is more like a whisper, a zephyr in the field, an alteration of the form.  As flowers pierce, as newborn babies rotate and crown, as the desert wind softly turns your sense of direction, so the power emerges – Mars gently.

Violinist 2

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Song in Scottish mode, by Master R, 18th century

Song in Scottish mode, by Master R, 18th century

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Ritual_0002

Aquariel – an angel of the waters and of the air through the woods of life.

COPYRIGHT – All art and creative writing in this blog is copyright © Janeadamsart 2012-2015. May not be used for commercial purposes. May be used and shared for non-commercial means with credit to Jane Adams and a link to the web address https://janeaquariel.wordpress.com/

 

Snow drops in February …

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snowdrop bowl

I dreamed of an enormous field of rich green grass, quite hummocky, in which just two or three big dark cows or bulls grazed abundantly.  I also dreamed of a healing or esoteric adventure with some companions – we went out along the street to another house.  I wore my white cotton robe.  I forgot to put my shoes on, so my feet were bare on the February pavement, washed with recent snow.  A younger woman held my left hand.  When I woke, I thought – I am this older mature woman place space, to occupy and be her!  I have no other choice in all the world.

fountain tree breath

Move into the soft and problematic space and be her conscious choice:  the electron state moves into orbital wave-particle – the standwave.   In fact we but rarely LIVE INSIDE OUR SELVES!   We live and work and struggle around the gap.  We smear the mobile displacement with cosmetics, clothes, dubious glamours and doubts.

My body of light is here and now the waterfall:  the local bloodstream is connected through the subtle body, with every “other” flow of Life.   Standunder the Waterfall.

On a browse in blogland, I dropped onto this image of a white waterfall.  For anyone in my concern, surround them with the descending White Water light.  It is beautifully simple.  For my unwanted thoughts and worries, bathe them likewise.  Deluge them with light and the lemon tree.

And what is animism?  The awakened human root in nature … plants, soils, weathers, smells and stars … the moon bathes the land’s poetry, dark trees, nine cold sea waves to swim under;  the fiery potions of soil, the song of the blood.   These are earthy pulsating impressions of the Spirit – Venus hula-hoop.   My aura begins to heal – shadows to pass.  When aura is well she is vibrant, of a springy turfy rainbow mixture.  Then the river in my local body flows, rich in loam, sorceries and silence, irrigating roots of all the Trees.

At other times of the day, she feels old, flat, tired and smudgey.

venus hulahoop

I watched on TV a Grand Design about a couple restoring a remote ruined castle in Yorkshire – a fragile shell:  grass and small trees crumbled its remaining turrets.  They had to contend with the Saturnine slow plod of English-heritage permissions, archaeology and extra cost.  They were at the edge of financial ruin.  The inside of the castle collapsed to rubble during the work.  But the masonry and new stonework – dovetailed delicately into the old, during two years of Yorkshire weather and mud – was wonderful to see.  The ruin transformed to a home of enduring Beauty.   They had to make it into a classy b&b to pay for itself and the long labour of love.  They are in hock for the rest of their lives.  It has a wonderful open view of green undulating grass, trees and cattle – not a house or hedge to be seen.

lily in field & tower Emblem 7

Think of someone and – silently, see the Tree.  No more is necessary.  Lilies are also sorrow.  The Tree of Life is the waterfall of light up and down … any problem small or large.  White waterfall, green tree.

11 vizier in palace j&d5

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In conversation with the devas, white witches give the same time and concentration to their altars and the Moon’s journey and the festivals, that I do to my writing.  My writing is a daily “shrine”, a little of which I share.   For the umpteenth time – resolve to keep my house cleaner and tidier and more cherished, get some regular domestic habits …

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Snowdrops, fox and owl_2

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On Separation, but Pushing Upward

Why do I feel sad and bitter and weak?  Why so dragged down?  I should be relieved and energised, having decided! – having discussed, agreed, and to keep in touch – it is time to let go of each other, and move on.

Logic cannot fathom the tones, and the links and pathways a partnership forms, however unconventional or difficult;  the years and days of expectation, bonds of joy, anger, confusion, toil and love, grown organic in the psychic body like the green-stuff in the crumbling castle turrets – all stored by repetition in the subconscious.

At this level, bereavement drags my steps.   Oh!  All the protect-him hassle!  That is a tough old rope which binds, but it dawns on me, that seeing the cookie crumble, he shrugs shoulders and does not grieve, nor miss me.  He is an adventurer, and the time for a new adventure dawns.

It was a task of the soul.  The love I gave to his trouble, over the years, reaches its mark, about now.  Does he recognise this, or thank me?   No.  But he does thank God – and that is the whole point.  He thanks God for his inner strength.  The soul we “practice with” keeps God in sight.  Of course I am personally FURIOUS that he says I am and always was, selfish.  This helps me “wash that man out of my hair”.

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A few nights ago, I dreamed I saw many foxes in a London field … more and more appeared, behind each others’ sylvan comings and goings in the grass and the sly street.  The Fox and the Owl are my old familiars.

owl dance fox

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There is also an ebbing of … the familiar creative pulsating tide which fills my mornings and in the afternoon is an empty beach.  A male YANG half – a binary I was used to being part of – fades away from my side.   The process is matter of fact;  the fragility tenuous and tenacious.  I find it helpful to contemplate that a projected YANG is gone, leaving a space beside my YIN.   Now!   Wherever I am on my way to, the details come in one by one, to take care of. Recognising my writing is my prayer and craft – no need to load my shrine, but perhaps watch again the planets and Moon around the zodiac … new practice.   What is this part of me now available for? 

I Ching I think!

The oracle refines and reiterates the Water over Water I got last weekend.  This morning, 46, Pushing Upward – earth over the wind – dissolves to 29, the Water over Water again.   The abyss, the ravine, the river’s destiny.

I ching 26.2.13

Wood (the wind trigram) pushes upward through Earth – a vertical effort with the Will.  Modesty, adaptability – the time is propitious.  Heap up small things one by one, to achieve the high and great, without haste and without rest.

Old Yang in 3rd changes to Yin:  I push upward into an empty city!  It proceeds with ease – profit by the propitious moment.

Old Yin in 5th, all used-up, changes to Yang-creative-tangible – keep sober, step by step as if hesitant.  The Earth trigram floods to the strong current of water/dangerous.   The wind of the wood blows steadily up through the winter ground, the open YIN earth.  The movement is into the power of a great river flowing (hexagram 29).

Body tree tao

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The wind is the Tree of Life, whose roots are nourished by the Great Water.  You don’t have to cross the great water, for you already are.  The old sages of the Tao appeared hesitant, YIN and shy.  They ford the streams cautiously.  The cosmos flows through them unobstructedly.  This is the Power – when the personal power seems at her lowest ebb.

old tao sage

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To honour my YIN fragility feeling in full, permits spontaneous YANG.  Pushing upward is the YIN way of invincible growth, as in February’s spring …

Snowdrop 1969 - detail

Tao T’ai Ching 15

“The ancient adepts of the Tao were subtle and flexible, profound and comprehensive.
Their minds were too deep to be fathomed.
Because they are unfathomable,
one can only describe them vaguely by their appearance.

small flower

“Hesitant like one wading a stream in winter;
timid like one afraid of his neighbours on all sides;
cautious and courteous like a guest;
yielding like ice on the point of melting,
simple like an uncarved block;
hollow like a cave;
confused like a muddy pool …

“And yet who else could quietly and gradually evolve from the muddy to the clear?
Who else could slowly but steadily move from the inert to the living?

“He who keeps the Tao does not want to be full.
But precisely because he is never full,
he can always remain like a hidden sprout,
and does not rush to early ripening.

shrine..

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Aquariel – an angel of the waters and of the air through the woods of life.

COPYRIGHT – All art and creative writing in this blog is copyright © Janeadamsart 2012-2013. May not be used for commercial purposes. May be used and shared for non-commercial means with credit to Jane Adams and a link to the web address https://janeaquariel.wordpress.com/